And a good time was had by all!

I haven't laughed this hard in months. My Cat Hates You is about the funniest website I've stumbled across in a long time. If you are a cat lover like I am, it is well worth the visit. I've even submitted a picture of our cats to the site. I don't know how often the site gets updated but watch for it in a week or so. The picture title is Jack & Antigone. I can hardly wait.

You know, I'm not quite sure what draws me to felines so much. Maybe it's their ability to be indifferent to just about everything. Maybe it's their independence, or spirit.

Or maybe it's because they bounce off walls, attack our ankles and make us laugh.

Then there's the purr, the soft fur and the cuddling warmth of a contended feline.

They are unlike any other creature and I am blessed to have two such fine feline gentlemen accepting my hospitality.

I even have a bumper sticker on my car that reads, "Destined to become an old lady with lots of cats."

Ain't that the truth!

Novel - Rough Draft

(writing sex scenes in a fantasy setting is difficult at best. It is very hard to try and find words to use that don't sound hokey or straight out of a gothic romance. My approach was to try and be direct. Do you think it worked?)

Blessings,
~The Dark Diva

“Mara, are you up there?” Those words broke me out of my ruminations over my cats new name. I looked over the edge of the hayloft and there she stood. Sophie. The Red Warrior who was beautiful and unattainable. The only person who had ever made my blood surge strong, made me feel weak and warm and…I barely knew her. Sophie, the woman who has seen me embarrassed not once, but twice. How I wish I could hate her. Why was I feeling like this?

She climbed the ladder to the loft. “There you are,” she said softly. “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings.” She looked down and noticed Dru in my lap. They stared at each other for a long moment, green eyes meeting. Then, with a cat shrug, Dru stretched, lept off my lap and, with a parting rub against my knee, left the loft.

Sophie inched closer until she was sitting right next to me. “I didn’t mean to.” She said.

I was lost for a moment and replied, “Uh…didn’t mean to what?” Oh, I sounded like a dolt.

“I didn’t mean to laugh at you or embarrass you, back there, at the council house.” Sophie took my cold hand in hers. “It’s just that if you wanted to woo me, you were going about it all wrong. Playing the gallant may work on some women, but here in Gledden, women value different things in a lover.” She said the last word softly.

I was distressed. Here was a woman who was beautiful in every way I could think of, we were alone and unlikely to be disturbed. But I only knew in an abstract and disgusted sort of way of how men and women came together. How do two women come together? And what about her lover who swept her away last time with warnings for me to beware upon her lips? I was confused.

Sophie must have felt some of my mixed feelings. She released my hand, stopped for a moment and looked into my eyes. I don’t know what she saw there, but it made her sigh and smile. I turned my head away.

“You’re still a child in so many ways, yet so much older that your years in others,” Sophie said with a sad little smile. “Here I was, hoping to come up here and seduce you for a little fun and I see that you haven’t a notion what to do. Poor thing.”

With those words she turned my face back towards hers with her strong, rough hand under my chin. Her face was mere inches from my own. The air grew hot and moist. I began to sweat and shiver. Her full lips softly pressed against mine. I wanted to die right there. Nothing had ever felt so good. Never taking her lips away, Sophie scooted closer and gently pushed me until I was lying down in the straw. She lay down with me and, side by side, we continued to kiss for what seemed eternity. She taught me how to kiss. She teased and cajoled with her lips until my lips opened under her tender onslaught.

Wrapping her arms around me, she pulled me closer still until our bodies were lying alongside one another. Her tongue gently licked my lips until I parted them slightly. She took possession of my mouth by sliding her tongue in. She began searching my mouth, mapping its’ surfaces with her tongue.

My body grew tighter and there was a warm ache between my thighs. She continued kissing me, stroking my mouth with her tongue. I tentatively licked her lips and our tongues met. Sophie’s breathing grew harsher then as our tongues teased each other. I was in a whirlwind of bliss. I never knew that something like this would feel so good. Actually, I never knew something like this existed. Do all women do this with each other and I, never having much use for women, missed out on all of it?

When she thrust her thigh between my legs I felt like I would die with the pleasurable pressure it was causing.

Then she stopped. I raised my head to see what was the matter. Sophie looked at me and then looked down. I followed her gaze. Sitting at our feet was Dru. She looked angry.

“I’m sorry Mara, my sweet.” Sophie said in a shaking voice. She untangled herself from me and sat up, adjusting the clothing that had gotten mussed. “I just wanted…oh damn…I just wanted to have some fun. Then I saw that you were still innocent to a certain extent. So I decided to initiate you. It was wrong of me, to take advantage. Can you forgive me?” Her head hung in shame, strands of fire red hair partially obscuring her expression from me. Suddenly I was shy.

“I liked it. I really did.” I said, not knowing what else to say. The ache between my legs slowly diminishing only to be replaced by a sudden urge to urinate.

“Good,” Sophie replied, getting to her feet and brushing herself free of hay. She reached down a hand to pull me up. “I enjoyed kissing you too. You make me feel young and free. I hope that I will get more opportunities to kiss you. When you’re ready.” she added.

I was going to say I was ready now but decided to remain quiet. I had been doing a lot of that, remaining silent. It took me a moment more to realize that Sophie had driven all thoughts of Derek out of my head. Where I had once felt dirty, I now felt clean.

She kissed me once more, her arms around me, holding me gently. I returned her kiss with a new found joyous intensity of my own.

Dru bumped into our legs with her majestic head. “Fine, I get the hint,” Sophie said, looking down at Dru with frustration.

Sophie then looked back at me and asked, “Have you named her yet?”

“Yes,” I replied. “Her name is Lady Druada, Dru for short.”

“Lady, is it?” Sophie asked. “Blessed Fellra, we’ll never be able to live with her now. Not that she was easy to live with before.”

With that odd remark, Sophie scaled the ladder to the ground in moments. She turned, gave me a jaunty salute, and strode out of the stables.

I turned and looked at Dru, who was sitting and washing her face. “Now what was that all about?” I questioned the cat. She just looked at me and smiled. “Well, you just go on being mysterious then.” I replied. “I have to pee.” With that I climbed down the ladder and strode into the darkness behind the stables, searching for a spot to go, not wanting to return to the council house and my room to use a chamber pot. Dru followed me out into the cool night.

Me and My Big Black Hat

I was so excited when I saw this hat. It was huge! A big black straw hat with a sheer black bow reminiscent of a bygone era (think "My Fair Lady").

Oooh la la, I was so excited as I fidgeted with proper hat placement. I was going to a bridal shower high tea at a posh hotel overlooking Waikiki beach, I had to get the hat right.

Black sandals, black skirt, black shirt, black and red kimono type jacket, red lipstick, black eyeliner, black mascara, silver jewelry, crystal necklace, Ysatis perfume, hair swept back with a big black bow, Big Black Hat! I was ready to go!

I was the Eliza Doolittle of the fucking Dark Side. It was great! Went to visit a friend after. He said he was scared. I thought, "Yes, you should be."

Funny. I've never been a frufru kind of girl. I never knew dressing up could be this fun! I must do it again...and soon!

All because I bought the coolest Big Black Hat!

I am thinking of constructing an ode to the big black hat that has brought me such pleasure in such a short space of time.

I have a Diva Tea to attend this Saturday. The big black hat is a must! I think I will wear it with spikes and leather, sunglasses and red lipstick.

Oh the places me and my big black hat will go!

JUST FOR FUN - Partying Fiona

Dear Shrek,
I thought marrying you would lead to a life of adventure. Instead I’m stuck in this swamp and you’re happy! I want excitement like we had on our last journey! Where’s the spark; the raw romantic ogre you once were?

I’m leaving. The Three Little Pigs are taking me to Wolf. He’s a partying guy. I hope to spend time getting adventuresome with him.

You’re a bore. Gotta go!

Fiona

Evening. Here's a little snippet from the first draft of the novel I'm working on. Enjoy!

Blessings,
~The Dark Diva

Untitled - Draft

She stood on the edge of the battlefield, watching me as if she was weighing my worth, testing my honor. In that moment between sword thrusts, I sensed her presence and it sent eerie shivers up and down my spine. I thought she was Death, coming for me. I realized that, if she was here for me, then I would soon be dead, and I would have failed my mission. There would be no honor with my death, only pain. I braced for the inevitable even as my body turned to parry the thrust of the enemy’s sword. But the inevitable did not come that day. I fought for hours with my warrior cohorts and, in the end, we drove off the mercenaries that had plagued our land for the past year. We were victorious.

“You fight like the Warrior’s Own.”

I looked up from cleaning my blade free of blood and was startled to find that the woman I had thought was Death was but a woman and standing but a few feet from me.

“Nay, I am not Death, nor one of Her emissaries. I am but a woman here to speak with you, if you will allow.”

Her voice rang rich, like a deep mellow wine, smooth with age.

I was startled. First, for knowing what was running in my thoughts and second for having a voice that ran so contrary to her appearance. Though she spoke with a voice of full age, she appeared not much older than I, and I had yet to attain a full score of years. She was dressed in a crimson robe of velvet, girded with what appeared to be small links of iron. Around her shoulders she wore a mighty cloak that was as black as pitch, the hood trimmed with beads of jet. She carried a staff of oak carved with vines and animals. She radiated power and I answered her with respect.

“Lady,” I replied “It is glad tidings to hear that you are not Lady Death. Speak your truth. I will listen. If you have need of me, my sword is yours and I will fight for you.”

I spoke these words that were based upon the Warriors Creed with some difficulty. I still, after all these years, had a hard time with the speech of a knightly warrior. My thoughts to myself were often more direct. I had to be careful not only with what I said, but how I said it.

I confess, however, that I was curious. What could this woman, who to all appearances seemed a lady born and powerful at that, want with me, a warrior who lived only to find honor, a warrior with no real home, family or memories of ever having such?

“You are needed, young warrior and I have been sent to beg your help.”
She whispered, her words flowing around and through my head as though she knew the secrets of the Ages and could impart them to me.

I shook my head, freeing myself from the spell of her words. What treachery was this? Did my Overlord send her here to test me, my faith, my bonds, and my very honor? I gripped the hilt of my sword until my knuckles turned white. In a tight voice I spoke, “Lady, who are you, why are you here, and what do you want of me? Speak quickly, I am losing patience.” There I stopped my flow of words.

Blast my errant tongue for speaking so freely!

She smiled. It was a smile to break the heart of the hardest men, yet I noted that it held an edge of icy calm. This was someone in total control.

“I understand your hesitancy and your honor. But I ask that you hear me through before you make any decisions. You spoke the words of oath that you would here me with an open mind. Do you go back on your oath?”

“Lady, I do not!”

I removed my helm and ran my fingers through my sweat soaked hair.
“Please continue and beg pardon of my rash and foolish tongue. It often runs away all by itself.”

“You are an interesting child.” She remarked.

“Child?” I laughed, throwing back my head, my close-cropped golden hair sticking up at odd angles. Having to cut my hair when I became a warrior was the last time I ever cried, a sign of the end of my youth.

“Lady, you are but a few years older than me, yet you call me child?”

“Am I only a few years older?” she questioned.

Then she began speaking in a voice that was not her own. It rustled like the wind through the trees, lilting, yet strong.

“I am older than you know.”

Shaking herself, she looked at me intently.

“This is getting us nowhere. Are you still willing to listen?”

I nodded my head and prepared to hear whatever request she had of me. Her change from the lady I first met, to the otherworldly creature from some unknown realm then back again had unnerved me. I looked away, embarrassed by the strange feelings that suddenly assailed me. Somehow I knew this woman, though I could swear that I had never seen her before today. In that moment of weakness and confusion, she attacked. I looked up just in time to see her staff descend to hit my head.

Well here we are. My musings will be splashed across these pages for any and all who care to read and rend. May you have much joy in your literary (or not so literary) dining experience.